Changes
by runwitskizzers
Summary: God denied her the genetic make up necessary to hate her dark haired avenger or deny his shackles. She would have taught him happiness. SasuSaku.
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke held a hand out to the girl beside him. She paused, considering. He could almost hear her thoughts,

_Was it absolutely necessary to touch this filth?_

She sighed audibly and placed her hand in his. He gripped and pulled. She flew. Landing a few feet behind him, she dusted her hands off and threw him a careless 'thanks' before walking on. He followed dutifully. He always would now. Choice wasn't an issue.

It was just the two of them, any way. He shook his head, refusing to think of lone eyes and whisker cheeks. It would do no good. It would only chafe harshly against the cage he'd constructed in his mind.

"Sasuke, come on." He hadn't even realized he'd stopped walking. It was happening more often than not these days, his body making more decisions than his mind. He moved wordlessly then. She seemed content with that.

………………

They'd been walking for two weeks and she couldn't help but be disconcerted by her team- _ex_, _ex_teammate's demeanor. It wasn't the silence that was bothering her – no, it was the lack of conviction. The abandonment of everything that had ever made up Sasuke. What walked with her was not the boy she had known, nor the enemy she'd faced as teen. What walked with her was emptiness.

She had thought his eyes were blank while he was with Orochimaru. Those she could look into and still see her Sasuke-_kun_. Now she couldn't bare the sight of him. Beyond cold, beyond emotionless, beyond apathy – she could see ghosts in his gaze. And it was killing her.

So she did her best not to see him.

………………

Once upon a time, he had been her Prince Charming. He knew that. He watched her as she continued on their path to Konoha. News would have already reached of course, of the final battle. Of his failure to – no. He could not think of it.

He was old enough to realize that he'd lost everything at his own hands. He had only to speak, and she would remind him of _his_ choices. Every wrong turn, every bad decision. His life was a series of missteps all borne from the maniacal wants of his own clan. He was no better than the filth his brother had slain to save his village. Far worse, in fact.

He had spat on the memory of the brother who saved him, and defiled his life's work.

"Sasuke." His name cut from her lips and he could almost smell the blood in her mouth. She was still turned away, kneeling and searching through her pack. "We'll stop here and continue in the morning." She threw a canteen towards him. "Wash up and remove your shirt, I'll need to check your wounds."

……………

Later, she sat beside him as he laid on his back so she could be a good medic and go over his wounds with a fine tooth comb because God forbid something go wrong with the body of the Uchiha traitor. He needed to be healthy for his execution.

She felt the involuntary shift of his muscles as she prodded a fractured rib a mite too forcefully.

"I think I'll always hate you, Sasuke." She wasn't looking at his face, but she felt the lack of response in his pulse.

"Thank you." Came the quiet response a few minutes later. She forgot her self and her eyes flicked to his.

……………

The marks her fingers had left on his cheek still stung several minutes later. She'd been up and across the camp long before then, decidedly not looking at him. He knew he'd deserved it. What he didn't know was _why_ those words had come out of his mouth.

There were many things that could describe Uchiha Sasuke. Unaware was not one of them. He hadn't forgotten who he'd seen last before he left Konoha, and he hadn't forgotten how that meeting had ended for her. He wanted to call out, request her forgiveness, but his pride (damned, damned, _damned_) bade him keep quiet.

He ran a finger over his torso, she hadn't had a chance to re-bandage his wounds. The flesh there was a rainbow, starkly contrasted against the rest of his skin. Blues, purples, and reds marked where he had been beaten. Only one was covered with fresh new skin, in the visage of a fresh new scar. He would think of it later.

Instead, he pushed up, ignoring the pain as his vertebrae fell into place, and reached for the roll of bandages sitting next to his sleeping bag. Unrolling it, he started winding it about himself slowly. He heard a stifled gasp. He brought the roll back around and began again. She was crying.

………………

The idiot, as she had decided to dub him, was attempting to bandage his own injuries. It wouldn't due for one of his ribs to shift and puncture a lung. She refused to watch him die as well. He would die behind closed doors and walls that she could not see through. She never thought she'd be thankful for the lack of a bloodline limit.

Wiping her eyes, she returned to her place next to his pallet.

"Leave it. I'll do it." If her voice had cracked, he made no indication of it. He immediately surrendered the roll to her waiting hands and sat still as stone as she removed his poorly placed caricature and started over. "Why –" she cut off, the words had come through her vocal chord unbidden. If Sasuke noticed, he made no movement. So she settled back. Just work, and walk. Clinical. Easy. Preferable.

……………

Later, when he was in his sleeping roll and she was in hers, he tried to recall how it had gotten to this point. How he had ended up as her willing captive. It was more than a lack of purpose; some part of him knew that. And so he remembered.

_He'd never envisioned something like this when he'd thought of the future. His were dreams of death and hatred and blood and wounds, yes… but this… this was far beyond his scope of understanding. Yet, here it was. He imagined he could feel the coolness of the steel that had come in under his scapula and back out again, pushing into his vision as he looked down at his chest. But that was impossible. His blood and musculature would have heated the metal. It still felt cold._

"_Don't move." He wouldn't now. "I'm not sorry for this, Sasuke." Another blow, then. If this was how it would be (even if it wasn't supposed to) then so be it. _

_He wondered if he were to go now, would he become words in someone's head? He closed his eyes, the pain was receding now, the cold from the blade seeping into his insides._

"_I wanted to be the one who did this." Her voice was still the same, after all these years. Broken, lilting, at the same time. "Naruto would have stopped me." _

_He realized suddenly that there was no longer the weight of her sword. Its hilt had been replaced by her hand. And then he was warm again. "What he could never understand, was that I needed to… so I could do this, as well." Why was he on his knees? _

"… _What's..?" He spoke before he thought not to. He felt her move from behind him to his front, when had he closed his eyes? He couldn't remember. This time, the palm was flat against his front where the blade had protruded moments earlier. _

"_Sh… you're going to feel weak for a while. Not that you don't deserve it." He'd only barely caught the last part. He willed his eyes to open. Jade, forest, sea-foam, emerald, green, green, green, green. _

These were the last thoughts Sasuke had before succumbing to the realm of the Dream King. What passed there, even he couldn't remember. And for that, he was always thankful.

…………

Sakura awoke to the sound of stunted groans.

* * *

A/N: Year hiatus - what?! I'm ridiculous. I saunter on in like I own this place or something with a new angsty story without updating anything else because I am terribly horrible person. Like seriously. But this shiz has been sitting on my computer for a good 2 years, so I thought I should share what I could! (My heart is ALMOST in the right place!)

Any how, let me know what you think - if you hate it, if you love it, as always.

I do have the next chapter of Don't Vomit on Your Wedding Dress in the works (for serious) - so hopefully that'll go up within the next two weeks or so.

.... It does feel good to be back :D


	2. Chapter 2

She squeezed her eyes closed and brought her hands together and wrung them in hopes it would stop her from checking on him. It was always the worst in the mornings. That was when her two selves argued the loudest.

She heard him move against his bedroll, back and forth. He was dreaming. She didn't want to imagine what he saw when he finally slept. She didn't want to imagine the blood and the pain and the death and the loneliness. She had had her fill of that in her own nineteen years. Tragedies were not meant to be compared or commiserated in – she would not sully her own against words like _massacre_ and _traitor_.

Despite her earlier words, she did not hate Sasuke. She wanted to, God knew she wanted to. God also denied her the genetic make up necessary to hate her dark haired avenger or deny his shackles. Now that it was her, he was hers. Whether he would ever acknowledge it or not, part of him always had been.

No, she did not hate him. Where she wanted there to be hate, there was only pity. Pity for this boy who would never know or understand what it meant to be real, who would stay stagnant. A child, thrust into inopportune happenstance beyond his understanding far too early. A monster who lost everyone who would have saved him.

"Ni…"

Her hands moved to her ears. This was not _fair_. She'd done nothing to deserve to be here, it should have been Naruto. It was always supposed to be him. She should have been in Konoha, waiting to welcome her wayward team back from a successful mission. She should have been at the gates as they walked up, arms around each other in an effort to keep the other up. Ready to welcome one with a hug and one with a fierce punch to the face followed by the soft glow of healing. He would have come home by choice. He would not have fought. That is how it should have been.

She would have kissed him. She would have taught him happiness.

…………

His eyes opened. His body was drenched, his covers kicked to the side. As always, the night gave him no chance for rest. He wasn't sure he knew how to rest, he wasn't sure he'd rested in over ten years.

He turned his face towards Sakura. Her hands were covering her ears. He must have said something. He hoped it was nothing – no, what did it matter. Let her hear everything.

She must have sensed the change in his chakra, because she broke the silence a moment later.

"How are your injuries?" He sat up slowly, caring not to wrench the already ruined bandages any further. He shrugged in response. She cast a critical eye from her side of the camp. "You'll need to be bandaged again."

"Does it really matter so much that you present me to the executioner as a healthy prisoner?" He wasn't sure why he had spoken that particular thought out loud. From Sakura's face, she had a similar thought going through her head. This wasn't like Sasuke, she'd be thinking. He used his words sparingly. And he never asked her questions. He had no time for such wasteful habits. He had to bite back a laugh. No time. He realized she was still staring at him. "You don't have to answer."

"I am performing my duty as best I know how." This was the response she deigned to give him. He did not know this woman, he realized then. It shocked him, this realization. She had moved next to him to remove the damp rags around his middle; he couldn't stop looking at her face. He could tell she was doing her best to ignore him.

"I don't know you." Her hands stalled for the briefest of moments.

"I don't know why you're so surprised." She picked up the roll of clean wraps from her pack. "You've never seen me before." She stood, dusting off her knees and moving to put her pack together. She threw some words back at him as she walked away, "And now it's too late."

He couldn't help the way his lips turned up at that. It was just too typical.

………….

She couldn't help but glance back as she let her parting shot go. He'd lost interest, staring into the distance with a strange smile on his face. She'd have questioned the emotion, but it didn't reach his eyes.

………….

"Why are we moving so slowly?" He'd been doing this all day. Asking questions. Despite the inanity of his queries, she was unnerved. He walked after her with his empty eyes and empty thoughts and empty words, and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to stand under the weight of all that emptiness. As with every answer, she schooled her voice to monotone and responded,

"Because you need to heal." And I need time.

"You should kill me." She stopped short and answered him honestly.

"I can't."

"Weak." She hoped her laugh was mocking enough.

"You're not as good of an actor as you used to be, Sasuke." She turned around and looked into those open eyes. "I can see right through you." She waited until they'd started walking again to continue. "Because there's nothing to see."

…………

He wanted her to be the one to kill him. He did not want to die in a room with people he did not know. He wanted one good thing before he died. The only hope he had left was a good death at the hands of someone who deserved to own his death. It needed to be her. She would understand how the moments fell together to get them to that point.

He wasn't completely naïve, he knew there could have been other endings. He also knew he couldn't really have had those endings. Now that his Nii-san was gone and he knew the truth, his life seemed so much sadder. He'd always understood on an intellectual level that his was a tragic figure. But he'd been so angry, there was no time to dwell on pathetic _sadness_. There was only power and anger and vengeance. If there was no room for sadness, how could there have been room for happiness. No, those endings could never have been his.

Or hers.

* * *

A/N: Chapter two. And it only took me 4 months. Okay, I'm a jerk. I know. And I'm sorry!! I'm not going to make any false promises anymore. But I will say that I'm going to finish as many stories as I can, I sweeeear. I just don't know how long it will take me :-/

Did I ever mention how much I love you guys?

:D

Read & review as ever, sainkyuu.

(also, let me know if I suck at this angst thing. we all know it's not my forte)


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